The power of strokes

In Presidents' Club we looked at strokes. Neutral, positive, negative. We concluded most (all?) are “stroke-deprived” and even negative strokes (“cold pricklies”) even “rubber bands” were better than no strokes. We prefer “warm fuzzies” but any will do. That’s why kids misbehave. So easy to get a stroke if you misbehave; needs loads of effort to get the similar attention doing something right. And even then it can come across as “conditional” . What about “good try”? Is that positive and unconditional? Not really. It means “you failed” whether you say it or not. In Sandler terms “there is no such thing as a good try” You either do it and it works or you do it and it fails and you learn a lesson.

 The real powerful strokes are unconditional and quite often not frequent, not predictable. An unexpected comment like “Proud of you!”  to a young child is just so affirming. And so it for adults too. In contrast it was noted that constantly being congratulated for what we are paid to do (particularly if it was not that great according to our own standards) can be unhelpful, however sincere the thought behind it.

 So we know what motivates us and our children about strokes. How do we relate that to prospects and clients?

Careful giving strokes- they can so easily be taken as neutral or worse. But be aware that they need strokes. Lots of them. Agents are particularly stroke-deprived. So we can use that knowledge to our advantage. Heartfelt genuine strokes are massively powerful.

 If they try to give us a stroke, should we just accept it? “Thank you, yes, I know, I am pretty good at this stuff....” Err, no.  We just get to be arrogant. Should we refuse it? “look, it’s nothing...” Hmm, not much better! How about both? “Thank you, most kind, but I was thinking, you made a great choice there...” So what could have been a polite comment has now become leveraged as something quite special. Remember, the one giving the strokes is probably doing so because they need them. The one that does so is so far ahead of the competition.

 We also looked at fuzzy files. A record of the things /info/ messages we send to clients (important prospects even) that we know are of interest to them. H

We can all do these sort of things. Not just Christmas cards. Maybe as simple as an email on a birthday. Keep a track of what you send. It’s these small things that make all the difference. If your competitors are not doing it, even better!