Self-Responsibility; Take charge of your success

As an employee you are probably used to having some sort of accountability. There will be somebody you need to report to as to how you are doing against expected behaviour and results targets. However, you might not be used to the idea of being responsible to yourself in business.

Sandler Rule #41 states “There is no such thing as a bad prospect, only a poor salesperson.” That seems harsh. There are many bad prospects that we come up against. There are those who give us false hopes and expectations in order to get information out of us, like price. Others are just not prepared to be honest about their level of interest to purchase or their level of purchasing authority. Some prospects are deliberately belligerent and most are happy to keep you hanging on for answers. They are the bad prospects, surely? However, you know that if you follow the Sandler techniques, none of these things should affect you. If you are caught, yet again, by your prospect, then it must be your fault. You have to accept responsibility. Even if you have done nothing wrong, it is still your responsibility. After all, if the sale happened you would almost certainly claim that was because of what you did. So equally when it looked like the prospect needed what you have to offer and was prepared to purchase and the sale did not appear, it is your fault. If you hit your targets it is because you did the right things at the right time with the right frequency. Equally if you do not hit your targets it is because you did not do the right things in the right way at the right time and frequency.

How does taking responsibility for both bad and good things happening to you make an impact on your character? You might know someone who is never prepared to accept responsibility. They spend their time and energy defending their poor results and blaming them on externalities. The economy is poor, the market is down, the leads are terrible, the product or service they are selling has not been updated in decades and promises of more resources from management have not been kept. The trouble is, if you look just to their right there is a salesperson in exactly the same situation but doing rather well in comparison.

The businessperson who is not prepared to have the courage to admit they are a major part of their own success and their own failure does not inspire confidence. You cannot be passive and expect things to happen and things to be given to you. Nobody owes you anything in life. It is for you to take control as much as you can and do the very best you can. It is for you to take self-responsibility.

As a child you are not responsible for yourself. As an adult you are entirely responsible for yourself. That is the pleasure of no longer being a child. It is also the burden of being an adult. This suggests therefore that being self-responsible means acting in adult fashion. There are plenty of people over the age of twenty-one who are not adults at all. Some people do not grow up. Some businesspeople I have come across have tried to sell or manage from the psychological position of Child, including tantrums, and it is not a pleasant situation. You cannot respect someone who refuses to stand up for their own action or inaction.

In contrast you will have come across people who are entirely at ease with themselves. They appear “happy in their own skin”. Life might not be perfect for them in terms of wealth or health but they are able to accept themselves for who they are and they have high perception of their self-worth. In Sandler terms they have a very high “Identity Score”. They might not trumpet their high opinion of themselves, but it comes across in a way that is not arrogant, just confident and matter of fact. Unsurprisingly they are often doing the best they can in all areas of life including staying fit and staying engaged with the world around them. People are inevitably attracted to them. They are easy to be around. They have a strong sense of self-responsibility and when you meet them you know that instantly. These people are the most adult you will come across. If you want to improve your personal presence, these are the people to copy.

Don’t take things personally. When things do not go according to plan and people do not do what you planned or hoped or needed them to, do not immediately assume it is a value judgement about you. Take control of your reaction to what has happened and do what you can to make the situation better in an adult fashion.
Be determined to be as happy as you can. Being happy is, to a large extent, a choice. It does not relate to material things. If you live with the attitude of “I’ll be happy when…” then you will always be chasing elusive happiness. You will not be owning the situation you are in. You will squander what good things you have now in front of you in favour of something in the future that may never happen. Being self-responsible has the burden of accepting your own faults and failures, but it also brings the pleasure of realising what strengths and good things you already have, ready to build on.

Does being self- responsible mean being unconcerned about life’s challenges? Worry itself is unproductive. It even says in the Bible “Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” In fact worry is likely to shorten your life through increased stress levels. However, ignoring reality and pretending everything is fine when it is not, is not showing self-responsibility. It is avoiding taking responsibility. Being self-responsible means being honest with yourself about the situation you are in, planning, taking appropriate action and then not allowing yourself to be overwhelmed so you can continue to put your plan into action. For example, when your business needs, really needs, the next sale you have to approach it with the attitude of “I am financially independent and I don’t need the business”. If you enter the selling situation full of desperation and worry you will not win it; your potential client will feel your negativity and will find ways of not doing business with you. Self-responsibility is a careful balancing act between being very conscious of the situation you are in, but not being controlled by it.

Practical exercises
The blame game. This is an exercise designed by my colleague Marcus Cauchi. Carry an index card around with you. Divide it up into seven sections for each day of the week. Every time you complain or make excuses, even in your head, put a mark on it. At first the number of marks will be high. After a few index cards’ worth you will notice the number reduce. You will be a lot nicer person to be around, including for yourself.
Journal things you are grateful for. If you do your Attitude / Behaviour journal you probably already start with a list of things you are grateful for. Listing every day of what you already have that is good in your life will ensure you are conscious of them, and you are taking responsibility for them. After all, you are responsible for all the good things in your life.
Journal your daily Identity score. It is easier to be self-responsible if you have a healthy Identity score. This score is how you value yourself independent of any of your roles. Track it, be conscious of it, and work on keeping it a healthy score.
Practice Mindfulness. There are lots of exercises on mindfulness. Even the NHS suggests it is good for relieving stress; “Mindfulness meditation involves sitting silently and paying attention to thoughts, sounds, the sensations of breathing or parts of the body, bringing your attention back whenever the mind starts to wander.” Living in the moment is a large part of self-responsibility.
Practice making decisions. If you are self-responsible you need to take decisions. Decisions about most things. If you do not make decisions, someone else will make them for you and that means you have abnegated your responsibility. Practice making decisions quickly about things that do not matter so there is little risk. Things like choosing from a menu in a restaurant. Aim to be the first to choose. You will find that the more you make decisions like this the more you can trust yourself to make the right decisions about all things in your life.

Conclusion
For a lot of people being self-responsible is not easy. It is much easier blaming other people and external things when things go wrong. However, you cannot claim the victories if you have not been prepared to accept responsibility for your failures too. Working on being more self-responsible will inevitably mean you are more adult, you worry less and you are more in control of your happiness. Moreover, people will find you easier to deal with, including yourself.